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Life changing things

Yesterday I went to see a nutritionist, and now I have to write down every single thing I eat and drink and even when I go to the bathroom. Today I got to work out with the Wii Fit for about 35 minutes, this Friday I am going to get a 90 minute massage, down at the plaza then Sheda and I are going to breakfast, I feel that things have gotten better with my mom and I, so thats good. I didn't get to go to practice on Tuesday, because I had alot of work to do.

Craziness

So some things happened over the weekend that were not good, I am trying to get Carlos some mental help, I am also seeing a nutritionist because bruises have been appearing on my body from malnutrition.

11th day of fast and change

Well I find it amazing how God can change something bad in one night, if you just ask him and surrender to his will, always ask for forgiveness and guidance, and he will guide you. Though things are not 100 percent better, they are at least calm and some things are understood. I was so happy that he came to Worship and Prayer service for the first time tonight!! Next step is joining a life group and growing as a married couple, Also we have to really start the love dare, and really concentrate and take it seriously I believe tha t we will see the change that we both always wanted, like when we first met and were madly in love. Day 11 is great, God is good all the time.

things

So Derek's concert was amazing, he has great songs and thier all annointed with God.
I hear alot of influence of Hillsong, but that's good. For the past two days, I have been struggling with whether to leave or stay in my marriage. We have had fights for the past few days, and they are getting worse, I cried my eyes out last night telling him my real and true feeling about everything and not once was I comforted or felt any love. Today I wanted to go to the library and do my work, I was not allowed to take his car, so I decided to walk there, not once did he come looking for me it's like he's not worried at all if anything happens to me, he shows no love, no emotion, no remorse. He's so cold. I can't live like this anymore.

7th day of fast

So, tomorrow is a busy day, but it will be a fun day. I've been thinking that I  do alot around the house and I am the only person that is bring in any income, yet I can't do what I want with my money, and I can't make decisions at all, I feel that my life is being controlled, and maybe this is what God was supposed to be show me, maybe my everyday life is my strong hold, and I need to fix it. I don't want to be taken for granted anymore, I'm gonna stop doing laundry, stop doing dishes, and stop cooking. I can't do it all by myself, I work 8 hours a day, grant it I do work from home but I still need to have zero interruptions when I am working, and I'm not getting that at all. I really don't know what to do, I'm just gonna be bold and go for what i know is right, and if people get mad thats on them I guess, I need to set some boundaries with everyone, I am letting people step all over and take control of my life. NO more will someone dictate my life for me, I will do as I know is right, and true. 

6th day of fas

Okay, so today has been a long day, I gave the puppy a bath, combed her, and she slept by me while I was working, today Carlos and I went to Olive Garden had a great dinner, we got home around 10pm, Jayden is spending the night at my in laws house, and we got the whole house to ourself, and Carlos is already sleeping :( Tomorrow my friend Maria is going to come over with her daughter Jada, she just got back from the Denver Christian Convention for 5 days, I can't wait to hear what she expierenced there. I cannot wait for Sunday, I'm excited for Derek's concert, I look up to him as a songwriter and musician and wish that they weren't leaving in the next week, when I just barely got to know them. God has really been guiding me to not do certain things, I feel less stressed, more peaceful, though I still don't feel that I have all the answers. I also don't really know how to pray, and I really want to know how and what to ask.

4th and 5th day of fast

The only thing I did yesterday was work, cook, and watch a little tv, then I went to bed.

Today I am still working, and I want to work on songs, but it seems that I can't find the time and place to do that, between Jayden screaming all the time, and Carlos always on facebook playing games. I can't really get into my relaxed mode to start working on music like I used to.

Maybe it's an excuse but to me it's not, I have to be comfortable and have no interruptions when I am recording. I asked God to give me patience and understanding as I deal with this day, and I asked him to get rid of my headache and stomach pains.

3rd day of fast

Today I went to church, it was the first worship and teaching night, the message was to let God burn out the bad things so that you can get to the good. I started singing the words to myself let it burn in me, come and set me free let it burn in me o God. Which is a coincidence, because I had just written a song lyric with those words burn, and it must be what God is saying to other people just like me. I pray that God will burn out all the bad things, and bring on the good, I want to see a huge change in my life and walk with God. I would give up all social networking sites or whatever I have to do to get answers from God. 

2nd day of fast

Today is my day off of work, and I haven't really done much besides relax, I did get to read about 18 chapters of Exodus, and I was watching the history channel and their series of banned from the bible. Today I had time to give my son a bath, which I don't often do, and I made a big breakfast, gotten some laundry done, and I'm working on finishing songs, tonight!

It is so cold outside that I feel I want to sleep all day, but I know that would be a huge waste of time, I am wanting to exercise, but I don't have the money yet to buy the Wii Fit Plus. I know that it will really help me in my goal to gain weight.  Day two isn't so bad, I just gotta find other things to occupy my time with, things that are productive and meaningful. 

1st full day of Fast

Today, instead of logging onto Facebook, I spent about 2 hours reading the whole book of

Genesis while listening to Christan music on my Ipod, today I didn't get to go to church due to

the snowy weather, but I still feel like I am close to God. I really want to take this fast seriously,

it's a challenge because everyone around me is checking their facebooks, or twitters and I can't.

I also have plans to get fit, seeing as I'm underweight according the Wii Fit, I need to gain at

least 20 lbs, to be at a healthy weight. I've also decided to stop apologizing for being myself, I

have found that I say sorry for almost every single thing that I think I may have done wrong,

when all I am doing is just being me, and it may annoy or irritate people but I can't change who

I am, either accept it or move on, I will not be controlled or told how to live, I will not be silent

when I want to sing, or laugh. I will not apologize for being me anymore, God made me the way

I am, and that's how I am going to be, I will try to gain more self confidence in myself, by reading

God's word and knowing that we are all beautifully, wonderfully, and fearfully made in his eyes.